I don’t give gifts during the holidays. I just don’t. I’m not good at it. I hate it. I hate going to search for a gift for someone that they might or might not like. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten so many gifts that made me feel strange about myself. My brother gave me a blow up doll one time, because I could never get a date. It was a joke, jokes hurt. Someone gave me a make up kit when I was a 7 year old kid. It scared the crap out of me, because it made me think that everyone thought I was a girl. I knew something was different about me but at that age I didn’t now what it was. This was calling me out on it. The truth is that they gave it to me because I was involved in theatre and it was theatre make up, but it didn’t feel like that to me.
A gift to me is spending time with someone. It’s cooking them dinner, sitting around the table with a bottle of wine and chatting. A gift is a conversation. A gift is taking someone to a concert in October just because.
Yesterday a friend sent me a message asking me for my address. I asked her to not send me anything. I told her I’d just feel guilty that I wasn’t getting her something. I’ve now decided to just be guilt free.
I think the best time to give a gift is when it’s least expected. When it means something. When someone is having a bad day and you just want them to know that you care. If we spread all of this out throughout the year I think the world would be a better place. Giving gifts at Christmas, Valentine’s Day and all the other holidays aren’t really gifts, it’s forced giving. Commercialism. So don’t expect anything from me next week but give me a call or send me a letter. Time is something I’ll make for you.
Oh, in case you’re wondering. I popped the blow up doll.